Developing a loving and cozy relationship between couples which is fruitful and beneficial to both partners requires some effort from both partners. Recently, a lot of couples, whether in a marital or dating relationship tend to break down in the slightest misunderstanding.
As of 2011 from the Ghana Web Online Radio, it was reported that at least 40% of marriages registered annually in the Greater Accra Region break up within a spate of fourteen months. According to the Head of Registry of Legal Aid, the number of females who apply for separation every week far outweighs that of their male counterparts and even in 2014, the Ghana Statistical Service reported that nearly Six hundred thousand 600,000 marriages contracted in Ghana have collapsed more than three times the divorces cases of England and Wales put together in 2012.
A study based on a survey of over two thousand heterosexual couples found that women initiate nearly seventy percent of all divorces. I find that these data are consistent with what I and other ladies think about relationships and where men go wrong.
Speaking from experience, I had to say goodbye to a three year relationship and I must say that was not what I was hoping for at the beginning of the relationship and i went through difficult times to get over the failed relationship. It was a beautiful at the beginning only to turn into a nightmare just after a year. He was not ready to listen to my opinion, whatever he said was final. He would always want me to know that he was the "man" and I was the "woman"; and not to talk of his constant outbursts and anger issues. I could not go out to meet any friends and I had to ask for "permission" from him before i could go out. How could i spend the rest of my life with a man who had these traits. I thought i could deal with it in the beginning. He loved me and that is why he was being over protective, maybe he would change as time goes on and that is what i told myself until finally after two years I knew i could not take it anymore and I had to say goodbye to him.
Most men think that once they are in a relationship with the woman she automatically is his property and that gives him the right to treat her anyway. It is interesting to know that the attitude of men when he is trying to lure a lady is different from the attitude he portrays once the lady agrees to be in a relationship with him. One male friend I had used to say "accommodate whatever a woman does and say to you when you're interested in her and get your pay back when she finally becomes yours". Most of the men have this kind of thought. The first thing most ladies say when you ask why they broke up with their partners is "he is different from when I knew him before I started dating him".
Speaking to ladies about their past relationships and what they would want their men to do in order to keep the relationship moving, these are some helpful tips I gathered that I believe is very essential in relationships:
You Don't Look At Her:
Women interpret eye contact as intimacy, says anthropologist Helen Fisher, PH.D, and author of "Why Him? Why Her?". You don't need to stare into her eyes all the time all for long hours but tear your eyes away from your football, phone or basketball game and look at her when she's talking to you. This conveys you care about her and an easy way to strengthen your bond.
Avoid Texting As The Only Means Of Communication:
Texting is acceptable when you want to ask a question or flirt with your partner or ask a simple question but for conversations that take more than thirty minutes, pick up your phone and call your partner. Also, men should avoid apologizing, cancelling plans, delivering good news or bad news via texts but through phone calls. When you dial, you acknowledge that the issue deserves more than just an emoticon says Terri Orbuh, PH.D, a Social Research Scientist. It is also a good sign that you're a good communicator.
Every woman likes to look good and feel at home among their friends. Women deem it necessary for their men to be able to cater for their needs financially and be a supporting hand. Mercy Ofori, a student of the Ghana Institute Of Journalism commented that, relationship is not all about love and sex but she also expects her partner to be capable of taking care of her financial needs.
You Stay Silent During Fights:
Zipping your lips and crossing your arms or stonewalling as psychologists call it during an argument sends the message that you don't want to validate her concerns with a response or her argument is trivial or unnecessary.
You Never Say "I am sorry"
Everyone likes to save face and not be seen as the weak one but having too much pride can cause someone a relationship. Men do not like to accept their mistakes and apologize for their wrong doing in relationships and that can make a lady pack her bags and leave.
Sex is one of the essential part of a relationship. Men often do not care about the aftermath once they have reach their orgasm which is really wrong. Women like to also get their orgasm and require their partners to make them reach that goal during sexual intercourse. Faustina Danquah, a waitress commented that she would like her man to satisfy her sexually in bed and would not be with a man who does not cater for her sexual needs.
Women like to have a connection during sex and not feel like they are just been "banged" and also like to freely talk about sexual issues. Gloria Amaka, a Nigerian based citizen commented that she would like to talk freely about sex with her partner and also discuss what went wrong and the position she likes best during intercourse. This would strengthen their relationship.
Trivial love gestures is one tactic that women like a lot and can make a woman stay longer in a relationship. Women like to be pampered and treated with care. Men have to be ready to go the extra mile in pampering and being playful with their partner occasionally. Abigail Danso, a photo model commented that, nothing makes her feel special and happy when her man buys her flowers, kisses her unexpectedly, calls her just to tell her "I love you" and teases her.
Time and Dedication:
Men spending quality time with their partners is one important ingredient in achieving a good relationship. A lot of ladies made mention of how they would want their partners to have time for them and also show endless care. Prisicilla Boadu, a class three English teacher, complimented that "I would want my man to call me every day and spend time with me. This shows that he loves and cares for me".
Before sexual intercourse, a man has to "touch" the woman to get her excited before the actual ordeal begins. Penetration must not necessarily take place right on the onset but the man has to engage the lady in foreplay to get her in the mood before intercourse. This makes love making feel special and enjoyable.
Story by: Julia Antwi